Bargaining

You couldn’t bargain with God but you could bargain with the devil. Except you always lost in the end. You might get what you thought you wanted, achieve what you thought would make you happy, but you’d be removed inch by inch from everything you thought you were and everything you really wanted. You could be brought to a point where you were living in danger, on the verge of death, to a point where you might as well be dead. And one day you woke up to find you had no safety net, no control. And you longed to go back to your quiet discontent, to anything other than this strange living death.