Monthly Archives: February 2017

Sure you will

It’s bad again, isn’t it, I ask X, really bad. Don’t be stupid, he says. It’s bad though, isn’t it, I say, this time it’s bad. A bit, he says. A bit, I say, it’s humiliating, it’s a fucking disgrace how we were treated in there, can’t you see that, can’t they see that? Why can’t anyone see it? Why do we always run up against people like that, against psychopaths? What is it about us? Is it you? It’s you, isn’t it? Always hanging around me, giving me that look? Don’t be hysterical, he says. You feel it too, though, don’t you? I say. A bit, he says, I suppose a bit. A bit, I say. You’re fuming, you’re chomping at the bit to get at their throats. We both know that’s you, he says, you’re having a tantrum because you can’t get your way. But he disgraced us in there, I say, that one guy with the lazy eye, he disgraced us for no good reason, didn’t he? Objectively he did, didn’t he? A bit, I guess, says X, but he was just following the rules. Rules he made up, I say, because he could, because of me, because of you, because he saw I was with you, because he saw how much you’ve weakened me, all my life, so he knew he could get away with it, because that’s how those people are, isn’t it, they’ll do it if they get a chance, the minute they sense weakness, and they know I can’t get back at them, know I can’t resist them. But this time I’ll get them, I say, this time they’ve really gone too far, they brought up things they shouldn’t have brought up, they got personal, they went way beyond the pale. This time I’ll figure out my rights, I say, I’ll google the proper authorities, send letters and make appointments. We both know you won’t, says X. They’ve seen a million people like you. Fuck you, I say, we’re both in this together. Get a grip, he says. This time I’ll do it, I say, that guy with the lazy eye, I’m gonna knock it right, I’m telling you. At least I know the difference between right and wrong, I say, I’ll knock sense into his face. You’ll punch him in the eye and teach him all about what’s right, that’s a good one, says X. You need perspective, says X, you don’t have a clue how the system works. Fuck you, I say, and fuck the system. Ah yes, that’s what I was waiting for, says X, fuck the system, go say that to them. I will, I say. Sure you will, he says.

One of these days

One of these days I’m really gonna blow up, I tell X. One of these days when I come across a psychopath, when I come across one of those scumbags who can’t tell right from wrong, I’m gonna do something bad, really bad. You realise what you’re doing, writing these things down, says X. You think you’re anonymous? I don’t care, I say. Sure you don’t, he says, you don’t know very much. And you don’t understand what you’ve done to me, I say, you don’t know and you don’t seem to care, you’re one of them. That’s nice, he says. No it’s not, I say.

Then you should know

Do you have any empathy? I ask X. Do you? Why do you always side with them over me? Why? Listen to yourself, X says. I am, I say. Then you should know, he says.