Monthly Archives: October 2012

An invulnerable experiment

When I was young I daydreamed about sending a version of myself out into the world who could act without pain, follow his desires without fear, be caught up in life without being crushed by it: a self who could live in my stead as an invulnerable experiment.

— Frenet, Journal

Unhappiness

It’s been given to me to understand almost any form of unhappiness, that’s my talent. People come to me in their unhappiness because they sense I’ll share it. And when they move on, when they start their lives anew, I smile when I think of them, I want them to forget about me. I love them the only way I know. In another life I might have been a priest, a good man, instead of the bitter, remote person I’ve become.

— Frenet, Journal

The boundless moments

All my life, the feeling of life having taken a wrong turn. Youth: knowing nothing not yet having lived enough. Ageing: knowing nothing not having lived enough when young. It’s in the odd boundless moments of my life that I live, in the moments that detach themselves from the rest of my ragged history, that gather and lift me up. I do whatever it takes to summon them, and in between try to bridge my past and present, to create the link that would save me but never comes.

— Frenet, Journal

I’m no longer an author

That sentence was the only thing I knew, all the way, [throughout] those 3,600 pages. I wanted the book to end with that sentence, and I wanted to be in a mental state where I could say that and mean that: ‘I’m no longer an author’. Because this is also a book about wanting to be a literary writer, having ambition to be a writer, it’s about literature and life and where they mix, and the problem for me in my life is that I don’t think I live my life as I should. I live it in literature, I live it in reading, and I want that to end.

— Knausgaard, interview