The last resort

‘I name you “you” and am instantly led astray, already guilty. I backtrack from my naming and my backtracking itself leads me astray. Are you behind me or ahead of me? I deny you, pretend it never happened, but it’s too late. There’s no I to go back to, no I without you. As a last resort I imagine I fall silent and let you name me, and have to laugh. Now I have nothing to defend, but my defences remain.’